Here are my power rankings for Week 2 of the 2019 NFL season:
1. New England Patriots (1-0 record, No. 1 ranking last week)
Remember the kid Tony from your high school? The one who was dating seniors when he was just a SOPHOMORE? The one that took Joanna to prom? The one that was really good at soccer but not so into soccer that he was insufferable about it? Remember how you knew he already had a scholarship to LaSalle but then the day of the senior award assembly the school announced he was also getting the senior class's $4,000 scholarship they offered with the money left over because for some reason they charged $120 for prom tickets and all you got was a crappy piece of rubber chicken and you had to buy two because you were dating a girl named Katie from another school and you're pretty sure she was really just into Tony?
The Patriots are Tony. Antonio Brown is the scholarship. And eventually Katie too. Why do you think I need therapy?
